Chapter 4 - The World Changed, And I Missed It

Discover the inspiring stories of expatriates featured on @WeAreXpats through this article series, written by our dedicated PR volunteer, Aleksandra. Through these narratives, Aleksandra aims to capture the voices of those who generously shared their experiences as part of the @WeAreXpats initiative. Click here to explore the initiative further.

Following the threads of curators at @WeAreXpats X (Twitter) account feels like joining a journey, not in a geographical way, but one that explores personal growth, homesickness, and what it means to call a place home and return to it after years of absence. It’s fascinating to read posts from reexpatriates who returned to New York after 9/11, or France after the 2015 terrorist attacks. Being back feels incomplete because everything so familiar has changed, and we weren’t there to witness it. Expatriates on X often mention changes that were brought by major events, highlighting how surreal it feels to return to a place that has transformed. 

I spent most of the pandemic in Texas, USA, and didn’t experience the stricter European lockdowns. I never had to quarantine, follow curfew hours, or schedule shopping trips. But returning to Warsaw and hearing my friends' stories made their experiences seem almost unbelievable. Changes seemed ubiquitous, even with things that were not tied to major events. I realised I no longer recognized the city skyline. In just a few months, the landscape had changed drastically - new skyscrapers and office buildings now towered in the city centre. Some bus routes had shifted, and new metro stations had opened. Even the quiet street where my parents live in the suburbs had a new sidewalk and more houses. And then there was my little sister, who had grown taller, almost my height. That’s when it hit me - I had missed so much.  

Going back might be harder than staying away
I never truly understood what people meant when they said that coming home after so long could be more difficult than staying away. For the longest time, my sense of belonging and what "home" meant was a bit mixed up. On one hand, I believed I was meant to live abroad. I found the excitement of foreign cultures and the thrill of the unknown intoxicating. But at the same time, I missed my family and friends deeply, convinced I was ready to come back. 

After nearly two years in the U.S., returning to Poland felt different than I expected. Naturally, I cherished being with my loved ones again, but my mind would often drift, dreaming of the cool desert breeze hitting my face as I drove through the night with the windows down. I had made true friendships in America. Together, we  drove thousands of miles to White Sands National Park in New Mexico for sunrise. We raced up the dunes for fun, watching the sun climb higher and change the colours of the sky from pink to deep blue. We sang our hearts out in the car for hours, moving from Houston to El Paso, Phoenix, Las Vegas, Salt Lake City, and back through the Grand Canyon and Albuquerque. 

Pictures from the road

With only a week of vacation, most of our time was spent on the road. We even ran out of gas once and had to hitchhike to the nearest station. It was chaotic, but the views were breathtaking, and we all miss those times of  the biggest adventures.  

Back in Poland, the reality of daily life hit hard. Suddenly, a bit of rain was enough reason not to go outside, and a half-hour drive felt like a journey not worth anyone's time. But it wasn’t just the good times and friends in America I left behind that I missed. I was also struggling with who I had become. I had worked hard to adapt in the U.S., only to come back feeling like I had left parts of myself behind. Now, I was navigating an identity split between two worlds, uncertain where my heart truly belonged. Little did I know that this confusion between homesickness and craving for the world will lead me away from my roots again just to find home somewhere where I would never expect.  

Finding Home in What Makes Me Happy

Waar ik mij goed voel, ben ik thuis. 

I slowly translate the sentence in my head. As I begin my third year of living in the Netherlands, I realize that I’ve seen these words on the wall of the Albeda College, behind Rotterdam Centraal station, many times through the train window. Only now, as my Dutch improves, do I fully grasp their meaning: Where I feel good, I am home.¹

I find myself revisiting familiar thoughts. I miss home, yet I deeply enjoy this new life - one filled with surprises and valuable lessons. Slowly, as always, I adapt, discovering my favourite grocery store, bakery, and hidden urban gems. I find shortcuts through the streets and make new friendships. More importantly, I have come to know myself well enough to manage homesickness and find ways to build a sense of home here in the Netherlands. One thing I’ve realised is that I consistently find peace in nature. There’s something universal about the way it makes me feel. Even the botanical garden in a busy Rotterdam, just ten minutes from my house, transports me to another world, filled with plants I never knew existed but am excited to explore and make mine. Nature, no matter where I am, remains my constant source of comfort. 

Arboretum trompenburg - Botanical Garden in Rotterdam

I dare to believe that, for many other reexpatriates, finding something like this - something familiar and untouched by time - is what gives them a sense of stability and home. It’s the constants that help ground us in the midst of change, allowing us to feel connected even when everything else feels foreign.

In the end, I’ve come to realise that "home" isn’t a fixed location - it’s a feeling I carry within me, shaped by the places I’ve lived and the experiences I’ve had. Whether I’m admiring the dunes in New Mexico, walking through the streets of Warsaw, or finding peace in a Rotterdam garden, home is wherever I feel connected to myself. As the world around me changes, I learn that my sense of belonging comes from the constants that bring me joy and comfort - whether that’s nature, friendship, or even a simple sentence on a wall. It’s those moments of peace that remind me: where I feel good, I am home. 

1. Erasmus quotes in Rotterdam. link